I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
