ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
