Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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