boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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