My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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