I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize