were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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