Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
