you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
