And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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