do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
