I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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