I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
