I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
