so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
