remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
