I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
