I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
