Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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