We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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