I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
