Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
