At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
