we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
