can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
