I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
false alarm, still single
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
