I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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