mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
