the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
