We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
