maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
