Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
