I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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