I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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