haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she told me i tasted like america
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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