i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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