Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
