there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
