Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
