Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
