all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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