The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
