I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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