put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
porn star boner night. come get it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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