this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
