Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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