you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
