how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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