I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
