i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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