you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
