just tell him i said nine months
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
