Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
