I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
