STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
