I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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