It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
