OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
