even my farts smell like vagina
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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