im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
