his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
