So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
