you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
