You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
