remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize