I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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