I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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