He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
