can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
