She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
