Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
