Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
