My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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